


I used to have a voice...

by PinkSparkleUnicorn



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Handcuffs, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Isobel is a good friend/sister, Isolation, Kyle is the best, M/M, Mention of past Michael/Maria, Michael feels helpless, Mind Manipulation, Non-Consensual Blow Jobs, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Serial Abuser, Sexual Assault, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:35:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23421043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkSparkleUnicorn/pseuds/PinkSparkleUnicorn
Summary: Alex finds himself in an abusive relationship that almost turns deadly. Michael wants to help but only if Alex will let him.Please read the tags, warnings and author’s note before you read the story.This story has 3 chapters. I’ll be posting one a day for 3 days.
Relationships: Alex Manes/Original Male Character(s), Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 41
Kudos: 141





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize in advance for this long author’s note. I know as a writer I don’t have to justify the content of my story. But I want to not so much justify but to let you, as my loyal readers, understand my motivation for writing something so different from my usual genre. 
> 
> This story is dark. It’s been tagged and rated as dark and at times it’s unforgiving and heartbreaking. The verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, and isolation Alex experiences are all things I have personal experience with. While I was fortunate enough to not to experience the same physical abuse he does in this story, people very close to me have. All of Alex’s reactions from the beginning of the abuse until the end and after he is ‘safe’ are all valid. People process trauma in different ways and while some of the things Alex does may seem illogical and wrong in the face of what happened to him, I assure you they are not. Without giving away the ending of the story before you even start to read, sometimes the touch of someone you love and trust is what you need the most. 
> 
> All this being said, if you feel like this may not be the story for you I completely understand. I wrote this partly to see if I could and partly to help anyone who may be in this situation. If any of this is happening to you or anyone you know...please understand it’s NOT your fault and there is no shame in asking for help. I’m including the National Domestic Violence Hotline for the United States. If any of you are from other countries feel free to leave your national hotline number in the comments and I will add it here. 
> 
> **National Domestic Violence Hotline (for the United States) (800) 799-7233**

Being in an abusive relationship was not something Alex thought would ever happen to him. He was a smart, strong, trained Air Force Captain. Things like this didn’t happen to men like him. At least that’s what he thought the first time his new boyfriend slapped him. To say he was taken by surprise was an understatement. 

He had come home from a long and trying day at the base to find Eric on his porch waiting for him. He smiled a small, tight smile as he walked up the stairs, leaning heavily on his crutch. 

“Did we have a date tonight?” Alex asked.

“No.” Eric pushed off the side of the cabin and narrowed his eyes at Alex. “Do we need to have an official date so I can see you?”

Alex shook his head. “Of course not but I’m in a real crappy mood right now. I’m not going to be good company.”

“Well, you seemed like you were having a great time at lunch today.” Eric accused.

Alex rubbed his forehead. “What?”

Eric crowded into Alex’s space. “I saw you and your ex’s sister at the cafe by the base. You were laughing and smiling. And then she kissed you. What the hell was that?”

“Okay, Eric, I really am not in the mood for this. Isobel is my friend. Yes, she’s Guerin’s sister but what the hell does that matter? She kissed my forehead when she left. And that’s the last time I will justify my actions to you. Now please move, I’m tired and I want to go to sleep.” 

Alex tried to push past him but Eric grabbed his arm and before Alex could react he felt a stinging slap across his face. He blinked a few times and yanked his arm back. “Get the fuck off my porch. We are done.”

Eric let go of Alex’s wrist and fell to his knees. “Oh my God, baby. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I did that. I’m not usually so jealous but she is so beautiful and I was afraid I was losing you. I love you so much. I’m sorry for hurting you. Please...please you have to forgive me.”

Alex stared at Eric, his emotions conflicting with his rational thought. “Get up, Eric.”

Eric scrambled to his feet. “Please, I‘ll do anything to make it up to you. Please don’t break up with me.”

Alex sighed and against his better judgement he motioned for Eric to follow him inside. “You do realize I’m totally, one hundred percent gay, right? You have no reason to feel jealous of Izzy. But just to be clear, you touch me in anger like that again and we’re done.”

Eric threw his arms around Alex and pressed his face into his neck. “I know. I’m so sorry.”

Things were really good between them for a while, the incident on the porch forgotten. Eric constantly showered him with affection, kisses for no reason, corny jokes, home cooked meals, just like it had been when they started dating. Everything he was doing made Alex remember why he started dating Eric in the first place. 

_It had been a few weeks after Michael started dating Maria, Kyle insisted Alex get out of the house and stop pining. It was obvious Michael was over him so why couldn’t Alex move on as well. Alex reluctantly let Kyle drag him to the farmers market. Alex was looking over the tomatoes when he heard a deep voice behind him. “I’ve never seen someone so serious about their tomatoes before.”_

_Alex turned, fully intending on telling the person to mind their own business but one look at the stranger’s ocean blue eyes and warm smile changed his mind. He shrugged instead. “I like my tomatoes to be crunchy. Mushy tomatoes are only good for one thing.”_

_“Ketchup?” The stranger grinned._

_Alex couldn’t help himself from smiling. “I was going to say sauce but I guess you could use them for ketchup.”_

_The stranger held out his hand. “I’m Eric. I’m new in town you have any recommendations on what I should do in my spare time?”_

_Alex almost rolled his eyes at the really bad pick up line but remembered what Kyle said about not pining about Michael. He shook Eric’s hand. “Well, we do have a UFO museum if you’re into that kind of stuff. Or if you like movies we have a great drive in. And the Crash Down Cafe on the corner over there has the best milkshakes in all of New Mexico.”_

_Eric smiled and Alex melted a little. “I’ll have to check all those places out. Thank you...I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name?”_

_“Alex.”_

_“Well, it was nice to meet you, Alex.” Eric grabbed a tomato from the stand, paid and started walking away. He turned back to Alex. “What did the tomato say before it went away?”_

_“Okay, I’ll bite...what did the tomato say?” Alex asked._

_“Ketchup with you later.” Eric turned to leave again._

_Alex couldn’t believe what he did next. “Hey, Eric, would you like to grab a milkshake sometime?” He cringed inwardly at how high school that sounded but Eric just smiled._

_“I’d love to.” He walked back to Alex. “Can sometime be right now?”_

He was acting just like the Eric that told him that corny tomato joke that Alex truly believed it was just a mistake. But little red flags started to pop up every now and then. It was subtle at first, just little things that seemed off to Alex.

The constant texts asking where he was. “I just want to make sure you’re okay. You know how tired you get sometimes with your leg and all.”

Eric not wanting to go to their regular Friday night with everyone at the Wild Pony. “Guerin hates me and it’s not fun when he snarks at me all night.”

Alex knew Michael was trying but he also knew how vicious some of his remarks had gotten. So, he stopped going out on Fridays with his friends. 

Eric not wanting to go to Isobel’s for Sunday dinner. “Alex, c’mon, why do we have to go to dinner every Sunday at Isobel’s? I know they’re your friends but can’t we have Sunday dinner just us here at the cabin? Last week it was so uncomfortable with Guerin staring at us all night.”

Alex agreed to stop going to dinner at Isobel’s because even he had to admit it was becoming uncomfortable. Especially since Maria and Michael broke up and Michael stopped drinking. It was getting harder to be around Michael without thinking of better times and that was unfair to Eric. 

Eric not wanting to switch it up in the bedroom anymore. “Alex, I know you like it when I’m in control. You have so much stress in your life, isn’t it better just to lay back and let me take charge?”

By the time Alex realized he was in an abusive relationship his self esteem was so low he thought he deserved what he was getting. Eric played into his insecurities and tore him down every chance he got. Maybe his father had been right about him being weak and stupid, because everything Eric said was a variation of what his father used to say. If two completely different people had the same view of him that made it true, right?

“You are so lucky to have me you know. I’d never leave you for your best friend. He must have really hated you to do that. I mean I kinda don’t blame him after what you let your father do to him.”

“I know it sucks you weren’t invited to Maria’s party but you know maybe it’s for the best. You weren’t exactly a good friend to her when she started dating Guerin.”

“I’d rather you didn’t go out to lunch with Liz anymore. You know she just talks behind your back to Max and Guerin.”

“Were you looking at that waiter? Aww, it’s cute you think you have a chance with him. You’ve been letting yourself go lately, you know. It’s a good thing I love you or you’d be all alone.”

“You know I love you and I’d never abandon you but I can see how it must be exhausting for your friends to deal with your PTSD and all your other issues. Maybe it’s for the best we stop going out with them.”

On and on the veiled insults and backhanded compliments came until Alex felt so bad about himself that he didn’t want to see his friends anymore. He didn’t want them to look at him and see how pathetic he was. Besides, it seemed like Eric was right, they stopped calling him and inviting him places so maybe they were getting tired of his depressing attitude. 

***

“Max, I know you don’t know Alex like I do but something is wrong. Can’t you just go check on him?” Michael asked after dinner at Isobel’s.

“Why do you think something is wrong? Because he doesn’t like being around you and hearing your nasty comments about his boyfriend? The way you’ve been acting I wouldn’t want to be around you either.” Max brushed off Michael’s concern and headed to the living room.

Michael grabbed his arm. “I’m serious, Max. Something isn’t right. He hasn’t returned any of my calls or texts. I even went to the cabin to personally invite him to Maria’s party. Eric said he was sleeping and he’d tell him but Alex never acknowledged the invite. And we all know he didn’t show up. Then when I stopped seeing him in town, I went to the cabin again. Eric stood in his doorway and told me Alex didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. The only reason I actually know he’s still alive is that Valenti saw him last week leaving the hospital.”

“You broke up with him, remember? You don’t get to be involved in his life anymore. Maybe just leave the poor guy alone.” Max shook Michael off and joined Liz and Isobel in the living room.

Michael followed and flopped on the couch, glaring at Max. “You could still check on him.” 

“Are we talking about Alex? Because something is definitely going on with him and his jailer.” Isobel said.

“Jailer? What are you talking about?” Max turned to his sister.

“He’s bailed on me so many times in the past few months that I’m beginning to think Eric is keeping him locked in that cabin.” Isobel answered.

“Maybe he just doesn’t want to go out with you. Didn’t you bring Michael along on your last lunch date? He’s probably just avoiding more drama.” Max seemed unfazed by what his siblings were telling him. 

Isobel scoffed. “The last time I had lunch with Alex, without Michael I might add, he was quiet, sullen, didn’t even dip his fries in his milkshake and when I kissed his cheek goodbye he flinched. He actually flinched, Max. Does that sound like Alex to you?”

“Maybe he was just having a bad day. PTSD does weird things to your brain you know.” Max argued.

Liz cleared her throat. “Um, Max? I’ve been meaning to ask you to check on him too.”

“What, you too? Why, did he stop calling you or something equally benign?”

“No, he pushed me away last time I tried to hug him. He said he didn’t want anyone to touch him anymore. He also said he and Eric decided it was for the best if they stopped hanging out with any of us. That they wanted to set aside more time for just the two of them.” Liz said softly.

“All of this sounds like he just wants to give his new relationship a chance without being surrounded by his ex and his family. Give the guy a break. This is Alex we’re talking about, he can take care of himself.”

“So you don’t think it’s weird that Alex, our extremely affectionate friend suddenly decides he doesn’t like to be touched? Or how he swore he would always be there for Michael, who for weeks helped keep him out of the drunk tank even though his heart was broken but now refuses to answer a simple text? And did you know he told Kyle he didn’t want him to go to his leg appointments with him anymore? He’s not acting like himself at all. What could it hurt to just stop by the cabin and make sure he’s okay?” Liz pleaded.

Max sighed. “Fine. I’ll go up there with Cam in the morning. I’ll make it seem like a routine check or something. But if I don’t find anything wrong will you all just agree to leave him alone?”

Isobel and Liz nodded but Michael remained silent. Max glared at him. “Michael? You aren’t thinking of doing anything stupid are you?”

“Nope. I’m just not going to turn my back on him. I’m going to keep texting him and calling him.”

Max rubbed his eyes and sighed again. “You are going to be the death of me, Michael. Can you please not harass the man? I don’t need to be serving you with a restraining order.” 

***  
“Eric, I swear I’m not answering him. You can see that I haven’t texted him back in weeks!” Alex cried, backing away from his boyfriend.

Eric tossed the phone on the table. “But yet he continues to call and text you. Why would he do that? Didn’t you tell him to leave you alone like I told you to do?”

“Y-yes. I did but Michael can be persistent.”

“Oh, it’s back to Michael is it?” Eric grabbed Alex’s wrist and pulled him close, causing his already aching leg to almost give out under him.

“I meant to say Guerin. Please, Eric. I haven’t talked to him or seen him since the last time we were all together. You have no reason to be jealous.”

“No reason to be jealous? Last time we were together you two couldn’t keep your eyes off of each other! And you went to the bathroom at the same time! I bet you let him suck you off in there, didn’t you? Or were you the one on your knees like a slut?” Eric accused.

“What? No! I would never do that to you. I-I love you.” Alex tried to say those three words without cringing. How had this become his life? Apologizing and cowering like a scared teenager. 

“I don’t believe you. All I’ve ever done is be good to you. I’m the one who wakes up to your screams at night and do I complain that I’m exhausted for work? No, I don’t. I’m the one who cooks for you when your leg hurts too much to stand even though I’m tired too. I’m the one who puts up with all your doctor appointments when all I want to do is relax. Did your criminal ex boyfriend do any of that for you? I’m sure he didn’t. He just fucked your best friend when you got to be too much. And right now, I don’t blame him.” Eric yanked Alex toward the bedroom.

“What are you doing? I said I was sorry. I’ll change my number, then he won’t be able to call me anymore. Please, Eric...” Alex didn’t even know what he was begging for anymore. All he wanted was to stop hurting.

Eric pushed open the bedroom door and shoved Alex on the bed. “Take off your clothes.”

“I think we need to talk instead.” Alex winced again when he moved to get out of Eric’s reach. His leg was burning. He knew it was probably infected again and he needed to get his prosthetic off before it got worse. 

“No, we don’t. You like being a slut so much then who am I to deny you? Take off your clothes and get on your knees.” Eric ordered again. 

“You know I can’t kneel for that long. The doctor said my leg isn’t doing well and he wants—“

“I am so tired of hearing about your damn leg! Fine, you don’t want to get on your knees I’ll just have to do something else as punishment.” Eric pressed on Alex’s bad leg and began to undress Alex roughly, not caring when he cried out in pain. 

“Punishment? What did I do? I haven’t done anything to displease you. I swear to you I haven’t spoken to Mi—Guerin since the last time we were together. Stop! You’re hurting me!” Alex tried to twist away from Eric but he wasn’t listening. He was suddenly bombarded with flashes of his father beating him for doing something stupid. How did he not see how much Eric was like Jesse Manes? How did he let himself believe he deserved this? Eric claimed to love him but he was inflicting pain just because of a stupid text message. 

When Eric opened the nightstand and pulled out a pair of handcuffs Alex had never seen before he knew this wasn’t going to be like any other fight, this was going to be bad. “You need a lesson in obedience and I know just how to do that. I’m going to handcuff you to the bed and we’re going to have a nice evening together.”

“A nice evening? What the hell is wrong with you? You can’t just handcuff me and expect to have a nice evening. Let me go.” Alex felt his military training kick in and he tried to get the leverage to flip Eric over. 

Eric realized what he was doing and hit him across the face. “Don’t even think about it or this is going to be so much worse for you. I’ve let you have your way for too long. It’s my turn now. Don’t look so shocked, I’m sure you let your precious Michael have his way with you like this.”

Alex’s heart sank when he heard the snap of the handcuffs. His arms were pulled above his head and no matter how hard he pulled he couldn’t break free. Eric moved to the end of the bed and tied Alex’s good leg to the leg of the bed. He moved to take off the prosthetic next. After it was off, he tossed it in the hall. “You won’t be needing that for a while. I suggest you stop struggling or it’s just going to hurt worse.”

Alex realized nothing was going to sway his abusive boyfriend so he gave up pretending. “You disgusting pig. You’re wrong you know, Michael did all those things for me. And he never hurt me in bed, ever. God, I was so stupid to ever think you were better than him. You need to let me go because when he finds out what you’ve done he will burn down Roswell to find you.”

Eric punched Alex again, causing his nose to bleed. “You think he still cares what happens to you? How cute. You brought all of this on yourself you know. You’re weak and pathetic. All I ever did was love you and you repay me by threatening me with your loser ex boyfriend.”

“You’re the one who’s pathetic. I don’t know what I ever saw in you. Do your worst, I’ve been to war. You can’t hurt me.” Alex knew he was being reckless and was probably going to regret his words but he was tired of being weak. He wanted to be strong again. He wanted to be with his friends again. He wanted Michael back. 

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that. When I’m through with you, you are going to wish you were back in Baghdad. And when I’m done, I think I’ll go have a chat with _Michael_ , what do you think about that?” Eric took off his pants and crawled towards Alex, his grin making Alex’s blood run cold. 

“Do what you want to me but leave Michael alone. He has nothing to do with this!” Alex knew Michael could take care of himself but he didn’t want him to have to. 

“Shut up. Or how about I shut you up? Open your mouth and don’t do anything stupid like bite me.” Eric stroked his half hard cock and moved closer to Alex’s mouth. 

Alex refused to open his mouth. He stared Eric down, waiting for the slap he knew was coming. He didn’t have to wait long, when Alex refused to cooperate he punched him. When Alex gasped at the pain, he pushed into Alex’s mouth and started viciously fucking his face. 

Alex wanted to bite him but he had no way to get away if he did. Instead he closed his eyes and tried to disassociate from what was happening. 

Way too soon and yet not quick enough, Eric was coming in his mouth. Alex refused to swallow. When Eric pulled out and leaned down to kiss him, Alex spit the contents of his mouth in his face. He calmly wiped his face with his the back of his hand and leaned down to crush Alex’s mouth with a painful kiss. He bit Alex’s lip, drawing blood before he backed away. “I’m really surprised you have any fight left in you. I truly thought I destroyed you. Maybe you are stronger than I thought, but that won’t last long.”

Alex knew there was a good chance he wasn’t going to get out of this alive. Eric could lose control and kill him. He tried one last time to get Eric to let him go. “Let me go and you can walk out of here without any repercussions. I swear I won’t tell anyone.”

Eric’s laughter was chilling. “Do you think I’m stupid or something? I let you go and you’ll attack me. No, I think I’ll keep you like this for a while. There are so many things I want to do to this gorgeous body.”

Alex flinched when Eric touched him. “I hate you.”

“That’s okay, baby. You don’t have to love me for me to fuck you.” Eric grinned before stroking himself to hardness again. 

He loosened the restraint on Alex’s leg and roughly adjusted his hips. He didn’t give Alex any warning before slamming inside him. Alex tried not to give him the satisfaction of crying out but Eric was relentless and the pain became too much. He cried out and when Eric laughed, Alex spit in his face. It did nothing to stop Eric, if anything it made him angrier and he slammed into Alex harder. 

Alex passed out during the second attack. The last thing he heard was Eric’s sickening laughter. 

***  
Alex woke to the sun shining in his window. He tugged on his arms and realized he was still restrained. He turned his head and saw Eric staring at him. “I’m going out for a bit. When I come back maybe we’ll talk about taking the handcuffs off. That is if you’re going to be good. Then maybe we can have a nice day lounging by the fire.”

“Have you lost your mind? You expect me to just forgive you after last night?” 

“Oh, don’t be embarrassed, I know you loved it.” Eric stood up and pulled his clothes on. “I won’t be gone long. I love you, baby.” 

Alex watched him leave and listened for his car to pull away. He tried pulling on the handcuffs again but his arms were stiff. He knew he had to get out before Eric came back but he didn’t know how he was going to do that. He felt tears of frustration burn his eyes. Disgusted he turned his head to the nightstand. He caught sight of his iPad and laughed with relief. He cleared his throat, hoping his voice wasn’t altered too much by all the screaming he’d done the night before. He took a deep breath and spoke as calmly as he could. “Hey Siri, call Max Evans.”

He held his breath until he heard the telltale beep followed by a female voice, “Calling Max Evans iPhone.”

The call connected almost immediately. Max couldn’t keep the surprise out of his voice when he answered, Alex never called him. “Alex? Are you okay?” 

Alex struggled to talk, his throat was on fire. “No. I need help. Where’s Michael?”

“Where are you?” Max ignored his question about Michael. 

“The cabin. But seriously, where’s Michael? He’s in danger.” Alex persisted.

“Cam and I are almost to your cabin. Michael is fine. He’s with Liz in her lab.” Max flicked on the siren and hit the gas. “We’ll be there in five minutes. Will you be okay?”

“I’m going to probably need an ambulance but please don’t call them until you get here.” The relief in Alex’s voice was noticeable and Max hit the gas harder.

“It’s going to be okay. We’re almost there. Don’t hang up. You don’t have to talk, I just need to make sure you’re still okay.”

Alex made a soft noise to let Max know he understood and closed his eyes. He was going to be okay. Max was coming. Soon his nightmare would be over. 

Max and Jenna jumped out of the cruiser the minute it stopped. Guns drawn they walked to the cabin. Max tried the door and found it locked. “Alex, we’re here. I’m going to have to break the door. Okay?”

Alex made a sound that Max took as consent. He handed the phone to Cam and kicked the door in. He and Cam kept their guns drawn as they cleared each room. Max walked towards the bedroom door and slowly pushed it open. He wasn’t prepared for what he saw and stopped at the threshold. 

“What is it Evans? Is he okay?” Jenna came up behind Max and tried to push past him. 

Max regained his composure and whirled around. He grasped her arms and pushed her back. “Go call for the ambulance. And then get the bolt cutters out of the car.”

Jenna narrowed her eyes in confusion but nodded. “Okay. I’ll call for the ambulance.”

“Thank you. I’ll call for you when I need you.” Max waited until she was back in the living room before he walked back into the room and closed the door behind him. 

Alex coughed and looked up at Max, gratitude evident in his gaze. “Thank you.”

Max reached to pick up the sheet from the floor with the intention of covering Alex’s naked body until he saw it was covered in blood. “Shit. What the hell happened here?” He opened the door and quickly grabbed a towel from the bathroom. He walked over and covered Alex as best he could. 

Alex felt new tears slide down his cheeks and pool in his ears. He couldn’t look at Max. “Eric—“

“Max? The ambulance is en route. You needed the bolt cutters?” Jenna said from outside the door. 

Max gave Alex the once over to make sure he was suitably covered before opening the door for Jenna. She handed the bolt cutters to Max. Who strode to the bed and quickly cut the handcuffs from the bed frame. Alex’s arms fell to the bed, the cuffs still circling his wrists. “I’ll get them off in a minute. I need to make sure your arms are okay.”

“Don’t touch me!” Alex’s voice sounded like he swallowed broken glass. 

Max’s hand stopped in mid air, his face twisted in pain. Did Alex think he was going to hurt him?

Jenna slowly walked into the room. “Alex, he’s just trying to assess your injuries. He’s not going to hurt you.”

“I’m sorry. That came out wrong. You can’t heal me, Max. I know you want to but you can’t. I want this asshole to rot in jail and for that you need evidence. Just grab my robe from the bathroom and untie my leg. The paramedics will know what to do.” Alex whispered trying to minimize the pain in his throat.

Max lowered his arm and nodded. “I feel helpless though. And stupid. I kept blowing Michael and the others off when they asked me to check on you.”

“Michael! You have to warn him. Eric threatened him last night. He’s probably on his way to the Airstream right now.” Alex struggled to sit up once Max untied his leg. 

Jenna pressed her radio and turned to Max while she waited for a response. “Take care of Alex. I’ll issue an APB on Eric.”

Max helped Alex sit up and gently helped him into his robe. “I’m the one who should feel stupid. I let this man into my life and I let him abuse me. None of you did anything wrong. This is all on me. I’m weak, just like my father said.”

“Don’t. Men like him are master manipulators. They prey on your fears and insecurities. They isolate you from your family and friends and then they go in for the kill. They make you believe it’s all your fault. We—I should have seen the signs. Instead I just thought you’d had enough of Michael’s bullshit and were finally cutting ties. I’m never going to forgive myself for that.” Max stood and ran his hand through his hair.

“Max, you’re here. You saved me. If this isn’t my fault then it isn’t yours either.” Alex said softy.

Jenna came back into Alex’s room and managed a small smile. “The ambulance is here. The sheriff is going to let us know when they pick up Eric. She’s sending a forensics team up here too, so I’m going to wait if you want to ride with Alex.”

“I’m not leaving you alone up here with that psycho on the loose.” Max argued.

Jenna raised an eyebrow. “I have my gun. I’ll be fine. Besides, my guess is that he’ll be in custody real soon. The sheriff has every available deputy out looking for him.”

The paramedics rushed into the bedroom and started asking questions while they looked him over. 

“You’re going to need a rape kit. And these need to be unlocked.” Alex lifted his arms but lowered his eyes, his voice barely audible over the paramedics. 

The paramedic who was taking his vitals nodded. “We’ll do all that at the hospital. You’re safe now. Can you walk or do you need a stretcher?”

“He took my leg.” Alex mumbled, the shame and embarrassment of the whole situation hitting him at once. 

Max searched the cabin and found it smashed in the kitchen along with Alex’s phone. “He’s going to need a stretcher right now. The prosthetic is smashed and I don’t see his crutches.”

Jenna pulled Max aside while the paramedics got Alex settled on the stretcher. “I’m going to call Valenti so he’s not blindsided when they bring Alex in. And then I’m going to call Liz so she can keep an eye on Guerin. I really don’t want to know what he’s going to do when he finds out about this.” 

“Can you call Isobel and Maria too? They need to know as well, just don’t give them all the details.” 

“I know what to say without violating his privacy. Now go with him. He needs a familiar face right now.” Jenna squeezed Max’s shoulder as he followed the paramedics out of the cabin. 

The paramedics continued to monitor Alex’s vitals on the ride to the hospital. Max looked over at Alex and tried not to feel guilty for the condition he was in. His left eye was dark purple and almost completely shut, dried blood covered his face, the skin around his wrists was shredded and he his stump looked infected. 

Alex caught him looking and spoke. “He hated looking at it. Said it made him uncomfortable so I started keeping the prosthetic on longer than I should have everyday. I won’t be able to wear it again until the infection is gone.” He laughed bitterly. “I guess it’s good that it’s smashed.”

Max remained silent because he didn’t know what to say to make it better and he was afraid anything he said would make Alex feel worse. 

“You can say it, Max. I’m a big boy, I can take one of your lectures about being stupid and getting myself in this situation.” Alex tried to keep the pain out of his voice.

“I’m not going to lecture you. I’m not judging you or blaming you. I told you back at the cabin, none of this is your fault.” Max reached out and awkwardly tried to pat Alex’s shoulder but stopped when Alex cringed.

“Then why are you so quiet? Why aren’t you asking me tons of questions? Or...I don’t know, saying anything?” 

“Because right now all I want to do is get my hands on him and make him pay for what he did to you. I’m angry and I don’t want you to mistake that anger for blame. I know you already blame yourself.” Max explained.

“I’m a decorated airman who’s been to war. I was trained to withstand torture! How did I let this man do this to me? It’s because I’m weak. It turns out my father was right all along.” Alex turned his face away from Max.

The paramedic cleared his throat. “I’m basically only qualified to treat your physical wounds but I’ve seen way too many abuse survivors to not say anything. It doesn’t matter who this man was or what he may have said to you or whether you are a decorated war hero or a young naive kid straight out of high school, nothing and I mean nothing gave him the right to do this to you. Now how about you close your eyes and try to rest. The next few hours aren’t going to be easy.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two things in this chapter I want to mention:
> 
> There is a scene where Isobel uses her power to manipulate someone to tell the truth. It’s obviously non-consensual and while I don’t advocate that, Isobel’s power only influences someone to do something they subconsciously want to do. 
> 
> At one point the sheriff uses a common saying “he said she said” it’s in no way meant to be hurtful to anyone regardless of how they identify, it’s just something she says to Max.

Alex opened his eyes when the ambulance pulled up to the emergency room. Max hopped out first and assisted the paramedics with the stretcher. Once they wheeled him in he was surrounded by nurses and Kyle. Of course Kyle would be there. They wheeled him into a cubicle and Kyle pulled the curtain closed. He took one look at his friend and wanted to punch something. Instead he steadied his breathing and walked to Alex’s side. 

“The paramedics radioed that we’d need to do a rape kit. Do you want me to stay?” 

Alex looked at him, barely able to control the tears in his eyes. “No. I don’t want you to see me like this...but when I’m done can you...would you...I know I shouldn’t ask, but can you see if Michael wants to see me?”

Kyle’s heart broke at how small and unsure Alex sounded. “Of course he’ll want to see you. I’ll go talk to him myself. Sarah is going to take good care of you. She knows exactly what to do and how to do it with minimal discomfort. I’ll come back when they’re done. I need to take a look at your leg. Okay?”

Alex just nodded, not trusting himself to speak. 

Sarah was a pretty woman with kind eyes, probably in her forties. She had long blond hair that was pulled back in a high ponytail, and for some reason she reminded him of Isobel. When she smiled at him he lost his battle with his tears and let them fall. He reached to wipe them away and noticed the handcuff still on his wrist. His breathing became shallow and when he couldn’t catch his breath he started to shake. 

“Alex, look at me. I’m going to get those off of you right now, okay? I need you to take a deep breath. That’s good. Now another one. Great. One more. Perfect.”

Alex felt his breathing even out and he closed his eyes while Sarah somehow opened the handcuffs and took them off his wrists. 

“I know this isn’t going to be easy but we’ll get through it together. Any time you need me to stop or you don’t want me to do something tell me. I will stop no questions asked. Okay?” She waited for Alex to nod before she continued. “I will do my best to keep this as painless as possible but there will be some discomfort. If anything I do hurts you tell me, okay?”

“I will. I’m sorry. I know this isn’t going to be quick. I’ll try to keep calm.” Alex said softly, eyes still closed.

“Alex, you don’t need to apologize. You’re safe here. And if you feel another panic attack coming on, tell me. It’s okay. Now I need to ask you exactly what happened.”

He opened his eyes and looked at Sarah, his voice shook when he answered. “My boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed and sexually assaulted me.”

***

“What do you mean I can’t see him yet! It’s been like hours!” Michael tried again to get past Kyle and into the emergency room to see Alex.

“It’s only been about an hour. When they are finished they will come get me and then I have to look at his leg. Then and only then can you see him.” Kyle felt like he was talking to a wall. 

Michael started pacing again. “Why can’t you tell me what happened? Cam just said he was hurt. What did that asshole do to him?”

“You know I can’t tell you what happened. Doctor patient privilege, remember? Look, he’s going to be okay. Michael, can you sit down and listen to me, please?” 

Kyle watched Michael slide into the chair next to him. “Thank you. Now I know this is hard for you. It was hard for me to hear Alex tell me he didn’t want me to stay with him. You’re going to have to calm down though.”

“How can I calm down when I don’t even know what’s going on? How bad did he hurt him? Did he break anything? Oh my god, did he...”

“Stop. Just stop. Alex will tell you what happened. He specifically asked me to get you. He wants to see you. You need to be strong for him. He’s been through a lot since last night and you acting like this isn’t going to help.” Kyle reached for his phone and checked the screen. “Sarah is done. You stay here. I’m going to examine his leg and get him in a room. It’s going to take about another half hour. Why don’t you go back to the lab with Liz and I’ll come get you when he’s settled.” Kyle stood and headed toward the emergency room.

“Valenti, you’re sure he’s going to be okay?” Michael sounded nervous.

Kyle sighed. “Yes, Guerin, he’s going to be okay. The quicker I examine him the quicker you can see him, okay?”

Michael nodded and watched Kyle disappear through the emergency room doors. He sat back down and ran his hand across his face. If that asshole did something bad to Alex, he was never going to forgive himself. He should have insisted on seeing Alex when he went to the cabin. He should have tried harder to make sure he was okay. He knew Alex was hurting because of the whole Maria thing and truth be told Michael deserved never to see Alex again. But he still loved him and all he wanted was to have Alex back in his arms where he belonged. 

“Michael!” Isobel’s voice cut through his thoughts. He looked up at her and barely had a moment to brace himself before she threw herself in his arms. “How is he? What did Eric do to him? All Cam told me was that he was here and I should wait until Kyle called before coming but I couldn’t stay away any longer.”

“He’s still in the ER. Kyle said the nurses were finished with whatever they were doing and now he has to examine his leg. Even though apparently Alex asked for me I can’t see him until Kyle gets him in a room.” Michael pulled Isobel on his lap and gently rubbed her back.

“It’s a good sign he asked for you. Does he know it’s really over with Maria?” 

“Iz, he’s just gotten away from his abuser, I doubt it was on his mind to ask Max about me and Maria.” Michael had to chuckle at his sister’s one track mind. She’d been trying to get them back together from the moment she found out about Maria. 

“Make sure you tell him it’s over and has been for a while. Don’t waste any more time.” Isobel got off of Michael’s lap and fell into the chair next to him. “I know he still loves you. I could tell when we talked.”

“I’ll make sure he knows. Right now though, I just want to make sure he’s okay. I hate waiting like this!” Michael stood and started pacing again. 

“Do you want me to try to get us in?” Isobel gave him a sly smile.

“No. I promised Valenti I’d wait. I don’t want to upset Alex any more than he is. I’ll wait, but I don’t have to like it.” Michael grumbled.

Isobel started to say something when Max walked through the door. He walked over to her and Micheal. “They got him.”

“What?” Isobel looked confused.

“Eric. They arrested him outside the Airstream.” Max sat next to Michael.

“Shame I wasn’t there. What was he doing?”

“Uh, you’re probably going to need some new chairs.”

“So, throwing a temper tantrum because I wasn’t there to start a fight with?” Michael snapped. 

“Something like that, I guess. He invoked his right to a lawyer so I decided to stop by and see if the pictures from the rape kit were ready so we can use them in the interrogation.” Max stood to head towards the ER when he heard Isobel whimper. He turned back to them and noticed Michael gripping the arms of the chair so hard his knuckles were turning white.

“Oh fuck. I thought you knew...” he watched Isobel’s coffee cup start to shake and rushed in front of Michael. He dropped to his knees and put his hands over his brother’s. “Michael, you need to calm down. He’s okay. I was with him the whole way here. He’s okay.”

Michael narrowed his eyes at Max. “How can you say he’s okay? I’m going to kill that asshole. I’m going to rip him in half.”

“No. You are not going to kill him.” Max hissed through his teeth, trying to make sure no one heard them. “You are not a killer. You are going to let me handle this. You focus on helping Alex. That bastard is going to jail. I promise you. Now are you going to be okay if I go?”

“I’ve got him. Go. Make sure he doesn’t get released.” Isobel wiped the tears from her eyes and put her arm around Michael. 

Max stood. “Are you sure?”

Isobel nodded. “Here comes Kyle anyway. We’ll be okay.”

Max nodded at Kyle as he headed to the ER. Kyle nodded back and walked to Isobel and Michael. The first thing he noticed were Isobel’s red rimmed eyes. “Hey, were you crying?”

Then he noticed Michael had his face buried in her neck. “What just happened? Did Max say something to you two?”

“Our big brother doesn’t think before he talks sometimes and he casually mentioned getting pictures to use during Eric’s interrogation. We know what happened to Alex.” Isobel continued to rub Michael’s back. 

Kyle groaned and ran his hands through his hair. “Fucking hell! I’m sorry, Michael. I didn’t want you to find out like this. But maybe it’s better you know so you don’t freak out in front of Alex.”

“Can I please see him. I need to see him.” Michael looked up and Kyle’s heart broke for the second time in one day. He was devastated and the guilt was written all over his face, even though nothing that happened to Alex had been his fault. 

“I got him a private room. He was sleeping when I left but yeah, you can see him. C’mon.” Kyle motioned for both of them to follow him. “He’s bruised pretty bad and his one eye is swollen shut. He’s on an IV antibiotic for his leg. But other than that he’s physically okay. Mentally, well, that’s a whole different story.”

They stopped in front of Alex’s room. “You can go in.” Kyle gestured for Michael to go ahead.

Michael rushed to Alex’s side. “I’m so sorry, baby. I should have done something sooner.” He whispered, reaching to touch Alex’s face but stopping short not wanting to wake him. 

Kyle gently tugged on Michael’s arm. “Come out in the hall for a moment.”

Michael reluctantly followed Kyle out, leaving Isobel sitting in the chair by Alex’s feet. “What is it, Valenti?” 

“I know you feel guilty and you’re blaming yourself. I blame myself too but you can’t say stuff like that to Alex. You don’t want to put him in the position to have to comfort you. He needs us to be strong and to comfort him if he needs it.”

Michael’s shoulders sagged. “What should I say? I want to be whatever he needs. I just don’t know how.”

“For now just follow his lead. If he wants to talk, let him. Make sure he knows you don’t blame him, that it wasn’t his fault. If he doesn’t want to talk, don’t push him. Tell him he’s safe with you. Tell him you love him. Yes, I know you two have a complicated relationship and that’s not something you’ve said to each other but he needs to hear it. He may or may not want to be touched. This is Alex so I’m leaning to the wanting to be touched, he’s always been physical but if that has changed roll with it. I can arrange a session with a counselor who’s better trained to help you than I am if you want?” Kyle searched Michael’s face to see how he was handling his suggestions. 

Michael let out a long breath and ran his hands through his hair. “I’ll do my best to be what he needs. If he’ll let me. I know you said he wants to see me but what if it’s to tell me he hates me?”

“It’s not. You didn’t see him when he asked for you. He needs you.” Kyle assured him.

Isobel appeared at the door. “He’s asking for you. I’m going to stay out here with Kyle.”

Michael headed to the door but stopped and turned to Kyle. “Set up something with a counselor, please?”

“Michael?” Alex’s voice trembled when he spoke.

“I’m here, baby.” Michael pulled the chair next to the bed. “Can I hold your hand?”

“Please don’t call me baby.” Alex opened his hand, inviting Michael to take it.

“Old habit. I know we aren’t together.” 

“No, that’s not why. Eric...he called me that. I can’t.” Alex tried to look at Michael to see his reaction.

“Okay. I won’t call you that anymore. How are you feeling?” Michael rubbed the back of Alex’s hand with his thumb, careful to avoid the white bandages circling both his wrists. 

“I’m on a painkiller right now so I’m fine. Did Kyle tell you what happened?”

“Max let it slip accidentally but he didn’t give me details and you don’t have to either if you don’t want to.” Michael stumbled over his words.

“I do want to tell you but maybe not today? I know I don’t have the right to ask but can you stay with me for a while?” Alex asked softly.

“I’ll be here as long as you need me.”

“He smashed my prosthetic. I can’t wear one for a while anyway but I’m going to need a new one.”

“We’ll get a new one. I’ll make one if I have to.” Michael assured him.

Alex let out a small laugh. “It would probably work better than the one the VA hospital gave me.”

Michael smiled. “Probably.”

“I’m sorry for not returning your texts. I wanted to.” 

“I don’t blame you for not answering me. It wasn’t your fault.” Michael tried to use the words and phrases Kyle suggested.

“But I feel like it was. I mean I let him control me. I was scared, it was like my father all over again. I don’t even know how I let it get so bad but I never felt safe. I wanted out but sometimes I felt like I deserved it. Like my father was right, I was weak and needed to be controlled.” Alex’s words spilled out fast, like he was afraid if he didn’t say them right now he never would. 

“You’re safe now. You’ll always be safe with me.” Michael tentatively brought Alex’s hand to his lips. “Is this okay?”

Alex hesitated but nodded. He felt a calm wash over him when Michael kissed his hand. “I know I’m safe with you but what happens when you leave?”

“I’m not going to leave. Not ever again. I’ll be here for you as long as you need.” Michael promised. 

“I’m tired. Will you be here when I wake up?” 

“I’ll have to clear it with Kyle but I’m sure he’ll let me stay. Rest.” Michael watched Alex close his eyes. He waited until his breathing evened out before brushing the hair out of his face and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. 

Isobel came up behind Michael and wrapped her arms around him. “You did great.”

“My heart is breaking and I’m angry, scared, confused all at once. I want to be what he needs but what if I’m not enough. I love him, Iz. I screwed up going to Maria and look what happened. I know Kyle doesn’t want me saying it but this is my fault. I left him alone, hurt and vulnerable.”

“Don’t think that way. You didn’t put him here. Don’t think about getting back together, either. Just focus on being here for him. You’ll find your way back to each other, I’m sure of it.” Isobel hugged him tightly.

“He asked me to stay while he slept. I’m going to have to see if Kyle can arrange for me to stay after visiting hours.”

Isobel stood. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. Tell Alex I’ll be back later. I have to talk to Max about the condition of the cabin.”

“What?” Michael looked confused.

“I’m not letting Alex go back there without making sure it’s cleaned up. Plus, I want to make sure it’s stocked with food so he doesn’t have to worry for a while. Call me if you need anything. I meant what I said, you did great. It’s going to be okay.” She kissed her brother goodbye and headed out the door. 

***  
At the police station Sheriff Valenti opened the door to the interrogation room and slammed photos down in front of Eric. “Mr. Krane, I have a few questions about what happened at Alex Manes’ cabin last night.”

Eric smirked. “I had a very satisfying night with my boyfriend. Is that a crime now?”

“No. But sexually assaulting him definitely is a crime.” The sheriff shot back.

“Is that what Alex said happened?” Eric tilted his head and stared at the sheriff.

“Yes, in fact he did. And these pictures paint a very gruesome picture of what you did to him.”

Eric pushed the pictures around and continued to smile. “Well, Sheriff, I hate to contradict my boyfriend but everything we did was consensual.”

“Consensual? You handcuffed him to his bed and forced him to perform oral sex. Then you hit him repeatedly before raping him. I think you may misunderstand the meaning of consensual.”

Eric’s lawyer interrupted the sheriff. “Forgive me, Sheriff Valenti, but I think Mr. Manes is mistaken about what happened.”

Sheriff Valenti narrowed her eyes. “What?”

Eric picked up one of the photos to get a closer look. “You see, Sheriff, Alex likes it rough. He enjoys being tied up and forced to perform. It’s his kink.”

“You beat him until his eye was swollen shut.”

“He asked me to, it excites him.” Eric countered.

“The sheets in his room were covered in blood.”

“He gets nosebleeds sometimes. Have you ever seen how much they bleed until they stop?”

Sheriff Valenti was getting angrier with each smug answer Eric gave her. “You left him handcuffed to the bed, smashed his phone and his prosthetic. That doesn’t sound like it was something he asked for.” 

“Not exactly sure what happened to his phone but the prosthetic got broken in our haste to get each other naked. As for leaving him handcuffed, well, I wasn’t supposed to be gone for long. You know I think Alex got embarrassed when he realized how far we went last night and now he’s claiming I assaulted him. I would never do that. I love him.” Eric grinned at her daring her to make more accusations. 

Eric’s lawyer spoke up again. “I’m sure if you press Mr. Manes he’ll corroborate my client’s explanations. After all it really is just his word against my client.”

“Mr. Manes is pressing charges so I doubt he’s going to corroborate anything. Plus there is the property damage your client caused before he was arrested.” The sheriff gave them her own smug smile.

The lawyer waved her off. “I don’t think the DA is going to want to go to trial with such circumstantial evidence and as for the property damage, we’ll just pay the fine and be on our way. Unless you have more questions about my client’s private sex life.”

Sheriff Valenti stared at Eric before storming out of the interrogation room into her office. She slammed her door and called the DA.

Max watched her door with confusion, waiting for her to come out and explain why she was so angry. He didn’t have to wait long. She opened the door a few minutes later looking defeated. She shot Max a look and sighed. “Evans? I need to see you in my office.”

“What’s wrong, Sheriff?” Max closed the door behind him and sat down. 

“The DA isn’t going to prosecute. We have to let him go.” 

“What? We have evidence!” Max practically shouted.

“Lower your voice. He’s claiming it was all consensual, that Alex has a pain kink. And the DA isn’t going to go to trial with a he said she said case.” The sheriff sat back in her chair, suddenly feeling older than her fifty odd years.

“You weren’t there. You didn’t see what Alex looked like, how he sounded. He did not ask for this! That man is psycho. If we let him go he may try to kill Alex for this. And he still might go after Michael too. You can’t let him go.” 

“First of all, I may not have been there but I saw the pictures. I know what he did. I believe Alex but my hands are tied. As for worrying about repercussions, we can issue restraining orders...” her voice trailed off, knowing full well a piece of paper wouldn’t stop Eric if he wanted to hurt Alex or Michael. 

“This is bullshit! I promised Michael he wouldn’t get near Alex again. What am I supposed to tell my brother? Sorry, Michael, but the DA would rather believe a piece of shit over a hometown hero? And you wonder why he doesn’t trust us!” Max stood to leave.

“Max, I know you care about Alex. We all do. I’ve known him since he was a little boy and it kills me to let that man go but you know better than to make promises you can’t keep.”

“Yeah, yeah, spare me. When are you letting him go? I want to warn Alex.” 

“I’ll make sure the paperwork takes longer than usual.” The sheriff watched him leave.

Max pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Isobel. “They’re letting him go. You need to get down here now. Make him tell the truth.”

Less than ten minutes later Isobel walked through the door with her arms full of coffee and donuts. Sheriff Valenti gave her a wary look. “Isobel, what can I do for you?”

“I brought snacks for the hardworking deputies and their sheriff.” Isobel placed the coffee and donuts on the nearest desk and watched everyone descend on them. 

Sheriff Valenti shook her head and reached for a coffee. Isobel plucked one out of the holder and handed it to her. “Just how you like it.”

“Thank you, Isobel. This is a welcome distraction.” The sheriff took a donut and walked back to her office.

Max rushed to Isobel’s side and steered her to the clerk’s office where Eric was signing for his personal property. His lawyer stayed close to his side. Eric looked up and gave Isobel a smirk when she handed the clerk a coffee. “You look like you could use this.” She waited for the clerk to take the coffee before turning to Eric and staring at him. 

She entered his mind scape quickly. “Hello, scum.” 

Eric blinked a few times but didn’t immediately answer her. 

“Here’s the deal, Eric. You are going to ask for the sheriff and you are going to confess to hurting Alex. You are going to tell her everything.”

Eric nodded. “And should I tell her about the others?”

Isobel almost lost her focus. “Others? There were others besides Alex?”

“Two women and another man. It’s a game I like to play. I move to a small city and find someone I think might be vulnerable and see how long it takes me to break them. Then I skip town before they can press charges. It took a lot longer with Alex, I didn’t count on him having so many people who loved him. But in the end I broke him. It was such a turn on to hear him scream while I made him bleed.” Eric bragged.

“You are going to tell Sheriff Valenti everything even against the advice of your lawyer. You want the world to know what you did. You want them to know how _clever_ you are.” Isobel waited for him to agree before pulling out of his mind. Max was there to catch her. 

“I think I need to go.” Isobel hugged Max and whispered in his ear. “It’s done.”

Eric turned to his lawyer. “I need to speak with Sheriff Valenti for a moment.”

“There is nothing else you need to speak with her about. You’re a free man, let’s go.” His lawyer took his arm to lead him out of the police station. Eric broke out of his grip and turned to Max. “Tell your boss I want to talk to her.”

Max grinned. “My pleasure.”

Sheriff Valenti emerged from her office and stood in front of Eric. “What is it Mr. Krane?”

“I did it. I raped Alex Manes.” Eric said, his lawyer sputtering beside him.

“You do know you’re still under Miranda, right? Anything you say can and will be used against you.” Sheriff Valenti narrowed her eyes at Eric.

“Yes. I know. I want to give a full statement about Alex and the others.” Eric said.

“Others?” The sheriff turned quickly to Max. “Call the DA and tell her to get here as soon as possible. I’ll be in interrogation room three.”

She turned back to Eric and stared at him. “We are going back to the interrogation room and not only am I going to record your confession but I’m going to Mirandize you again so there is no confusion.”

The lawyer stepped in front of Eric. “My client is under a lot of stress. He doesn’t know what he is saying. We’re leaving.”

“No, we aren’t. I’m perfectly fine. I want the world to know how clever I am and how good I am at what I do.” Eric turned back to the interrogation room and went inside. 

The sheriff and his lawyer followed. “Mr. Krane, as your lawyer, I advise you not to say another word.”

Eric sat down and smiled at his lawyer. “Well, then you’re fired.”

The sheriff watched the lawyer shake his head. “It’s your funeral, Mr. Krane. I hope you know what you’re doing.” He turned around and left. 

“Now where were we? Oh yes, I was about to tell you all the things I did to Alex Manes without his consent. He made such pretty noises while he bled.” Eric grinned as he sat down in front of the camera.

Sheriff Valenti turned on the video camera and started to speak. “Eric Krane, you have the right to remain silent and refuse to answer questions. Anything you say can be used against you in court. You have the right to talk to a lawyer for advice before we ask you any questions...”

***  
Back at the hospital Alex woke up screaming. Michael reached for him and watched him recoil from his touch. “Darlin’ I’m sorry. I won’t touch you. It’s okay. You’re safe. I’m here. Kyle’s here somewhere too. You’re okay.”

Alex stared at Michael, eyes wide, gasping for breath. He reached for Michael’s hand and held tight. Two nurses rushed in. “Mr. Manes, is everything okay?”

He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t catch his breath and he was having a hard time remembering why he was in the hospital. He gripped Michael’s hand tighter and tried to focus.

One of the nurses turned to Michael. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave. We need to calm him down.” She looked pointedly to Michael’s hand in Alex’s.

Michael gently pried his hand away and backed away from the bed. He didn’t want to leave Alex but he also didn’t want the nurses to tell Kyle he was being disruptive. “I’ll be back when I can...”

“No. Stay.” Alex gasped out. 

The nurse started to pull the curtain around Alex in an effort to calm him, but Alex became more agitated when he lost sight of Michael. 

“Mr. Manes, you need to breathe. I’m going to give you something to relax.” The nurse punched a few keys into her computer and the drawer housing the medication opened. She quickly administered the medication into Alex’s IV.

“Michael? Michael!” Alex whispered his name the first time and screamed it the second. 

Kyle pushed past Michael on his way to Alex’s bedside. He motioned the nurses away and spoke softly. “Alex, it’s okay. You’re safe in the hospital. No one is going to hurt you. Can you hear me, Alex?”

Alex looked at Kyle and whimpered. “Where’s Michael?”

Kyle didn’t turn around but waved Michael over. “He’s right here. He’s not going anywhere.”

“I’m here dar—Alex.” He tentatively reached his hand out and Alex grabbed it tightly. 

His breathing steadied and he leaned back against his pillow. Looking up he gave Michael a small smile. “It’s okay if you call me darling.”

Kyle left the room only to come back minutes later. He pulled a chair over for Michael to sit and gave his shoulder a squeeze. “The nurses know you’re staying here with him. I have to finish my rounds then I’ll be back. I’m going to call the others because we have to make a plan for his recovery.”

Michael nodded but didn’t take his eyes off Alex. Now that he was sitting next to him, holding his hand, Alex closed his eyes and began breathing normally again. Before long he was sound asleep, still clutching Michael’s hand. 

Not wanting to disturb him, Michael pulled the chair closer to the bed and rested his head on the bed next to Alex. Now that he had Alex back, he was never letting him go again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the part of the story that has Alex acting somewhat contrary to how most people who just went through a trauma like his might react. But like I said in my earlier note, people cope with things differently what might freak me out might comfort someone else. 
> 
> This is the final chapter. I hope you all enjoy the ending.

Michael didn’t know how long he laid there before Kyle was gently shaking him awake. 

“The others are in a conference room. I had wanted you to be there too but since Alex isn’t awake you should probably stay here so he doesn’t panic when he wakes up. I just need to know if you’d be willing to stay at the cabin for a while to help Alex until he can get fitted for a new prosthetic?” 

“I’m not leaving Alex until he tells me to go. I’ll tell Sanders I need some time off.” Michael stretched out his back and slid his hand back into Alex’s.

“Good. The rest of us will help out too. I talked to a therapist friend of mine. She’s coming down to talk to you in the morning. I know all this is a lot but you’re doing great, really.”

“Not gonna lie, Valenti, just being here is freaking me out but I’d walk through the fires of hell to keep him safe.”

Kyle squeezed his shoulder. “I know you would. I’ll be back soon.”

***

Everyone began talking at once when Kyle opened the door to the conference room. 

“How is he?” Maria asked.

“We need to make this quick, I have deliveries scheduled at the cabin.” Isobel interjected.

“Did you tell Michael that Eric confessed?” Max asked.

Kyle put up his hands. “Guys, c’mon I just walked through the door!”

“We’ve been waiting all day, Kyle, we’re just balls of nervous energy.” Liz spoke for everyone.

“I didn’t tell Michael anything about Eric, impressive work by the way, Iz. There was an incident a few hours ago with Alex, it was stressful for both him and Michael. I didn’t want to add to it, even though it’s great news. I asked you all here because I need to talk about Alex’s recovery.” Kyle gestured for them to all sit. 

“How’s he doing?” Maria asked again.

“He’s traumatized. One minute he’s fine and the next he’s scared and jumpy. Physically he’ll heal in a few weeks. Mentally, well, that’s another story. I’m optimistic but he’s already dealing with PTSD from his time overseas and all this has brought up old trauma.”

“What do you need us to do?” Liz asked.

“I originally wanted Isobel to stay with him at the cabin but there’s been a change of plans. Michael is going to stay with him. But with neither of them working we’re going to need to chip in and make sure they have food and their bills are up to date.” Kyle began.

Isobel waved him off. “I’ll take care of any money issues. I can still stay at the cabin with them.”

Kyle shook his head. “Alex needs someone who can help him get around and make him feel safe. Right now that’s Michael. But that doesn’t mean we don’t go visit him. He needs to know his friends are all still there for him. That we all still love him no matter what happened. He’s ashamed and blaming himself for being stupid and weak. We need to make sure he knows that’s not true.”

“Are you sure he wants to see all of us? I’m not sure I’d be welcome.” Maria said softly.

“I really don’t know but I can only assume he’d want all of his friends there. Before Eric cut him off from me, Alex expressed wanting to mend fences with you and Michael. If he doesn’t want to see you yet you need to be patient. We all do. He might bounce back quicker than I think but he may also lash out and refuse to see any of us. I already set Michael up with a therapist to help with what to say and do to make Alex feel safe. If any of you want, I can do that for you too. This whole situation sucks but we’ll get through it together.” Kyle assured them.

Isobel looked at her watch and stood to leave. “I need to get back to the cabin. I got rid a lot of things in Alex’s room, including the bed. The new one is arriving soon. Maria, can you come help me get the room ready? I bought a million things from Bed, Bath and Beyond and I’d love a second set of hands. Then I want to stock his kitchen.”

“Of course. Just let me call another bartender in to help close the Pony.” Maria pulled her phone out and stepped into the hall. 

“Why are you getting rid of—” Liz began but stopped when Isobel took a deep, steadying breath.

“I couldn’t get the blood out of the mattress and the crime scene cleaners tried but there was still blood in the crevices of the bed frame. You could barely see it but I knew it was there and...” Isobel angrily wiped a tear from her face. “Alex helped me redo my room after Noah so I’m doing the same for him. If you need me to do anything else just text. I don’t want to have to reschedule the delivery.”

“Is she okay?” Liz asked when Isobel turned and left without so much as a goodbye.

Max watched them leave and pulled Liz close. “She will be, this is hitting her hard. She blames herself for not seeing the signs, especially because of Noah.”

“Okay, this has to stop! Max, why do you blame yourself?” Kyle snapped.

“Because it’s my job to protect people and I failed my friend.”

“Liz?” 

“He’s one of my oldest friends, I should have seen the signs he was reverting back to how he was when his father beat him.”

“Jenna?”

“I guess basically the same reason as Evans. It’s my job to get criminals off the street and I let this guy get over on me.”

“I spent more time with him lately than any of you and I only started realizing something was wrong when he asked me to stop coming to his leg appointments. We all feel guilty and that’s human nature but it won’t help Alex. Like I told Michael, we don’t want to put him in the position to have to comfort us. So, that is the last time you will blame yourselves. I mean it. Do you all understand me?” Kyle stared at his friends and waited for them to agree. “Good. Now, visiting hours are almost over so if you want to see Alex make it quick. I’m probably releasing him tomorrow or the day after.”

***

Kyle signed Alex’s discharge papers forty eight hours later. He wanted Alex to be relaxed and he knew it was impossible for him in the hospital. Michael left Alex with Kyle while he went to drive the truck to the front of the hospital. He pulled up into the patient pick up and hopped out to help Alex into the truck. Alex grumbled something about being able to do it himself but let Michael ease him into the cab. 

“I’ll be by later with the antibiotics. Call if you need anything.” Kyle said before turning to go back in the hospital. 

“Ready to go home?” Michael asked while Alex tried to make himself comfortable.

Alex shrugged. “It’ll be nice not being poked and prodded all the time.”

“Yeah, it was very strange that in one breath they kept telling you to rest and then they’d come in almost every hour to check something.” Michael agreed. 

“Thank you for staying with me. It won’t be long, just until I get my new prosthetic.”

“It’s no trouble. I’ll stay as long as you want me there.” Michael reached across the seat and gently took Alex’s hand. He was pleasantly surprised when Alex didn’t flinch or pull away. 

Once back at the cabin, Michael helped Alex out of the car and inside. “Do you want to take a nap or are you hungry?”

Alex took a deep breath. “I’m a little tired. Will you come with me?”

“Of course. You good with the crutches?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Alex started down the hall to his room, stopping at the threshold. He closed his eyes and took another deep breath before opening the door. He gasped and backed into Michael.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m here.”

“I’m sorry, I just wasn’t expecting...” Alex couldn’t find the words, just stared into his bedroom not quite comprehending what he saw.

Michael peered around Alex and his eyes went wide. Isobel had transformed Alex’s room into a warm, welcoming space. All traces of what it was like before were gone. “You don’t like it?”

Alex shook his head and walked into the room, he stopped and ran his hand over the headboard. It was one solid piece, the exact opposite of his previous frame, an open antique iron frame. Isobel had obviously chosen this frame with care, no doubt to reassure him he would never be trapped again. “No, I mean yes I like it. I knew she got rid of stuff but I wasn’t expecting a total room makeover. This is almost too much. I have no idea how she does it.”

Michael chuckled. “How she can turn the ugliest space into something beautiful and comforting? Yeah, I have no idea but she’s good at it. That bed looks comfortable but she may have gone overboard with the pillows.”

The bed was covered in a royal blue comforter that matched the new curtains, pillows were piled high against the new headboard, and area rugs were placed next to the bed. A new phone was on a charger next to the alarm clock. Alex walked over and picked up the phone.

“She told me she only charged it so that you could spend hours adding your security stuff yourself.” Michael said.

“She upgraded me to the latest model. She didn’t have to do that. She didn’t have to do any of this.” Alex said softly.

“She wanted you to feel safe in your room. And I’m guessing she got the phone so she could text you at all hours of the day and night. I thought you wanted to take a nap?” 

Alex nodded and stood to pull back the covers. Michael rushed to help. “You want me to get rid of some of these pillows?”

“No, I sometimes use them to elevate my leg or just to lay on.” Alex moved to take off his pants so he was just in his boxers and tee shirt. He slid into the bed and arranged himself among the pillows. Michael covered him and turned to leave. “Michael?” Alex called out.

“You need something else? A glass of water?” 

“Can you stay with me?”

Michael looked around the room and saw Isobel had added a recliner in the far corner. “Sure, I’ll be right in the chair.”

“I kinda meant in the bed with me.” Alex blushed a little and Michael melted.

“Are you sure?” Michael remembered what the therapist had told him about being careful about physical touch and how Alex might not welcome it.

“If you don’t want to that’s fine.” Alex looked away.

“Shit. That’s not what I meant. You know how I sleep, can’t keep my hands to myself.”

Alex shrugged. “It’s okay. I don’t mind.”

Michael moved to the other side of the bed and took off his boots and pants before getting in. 

Alex hesitated a moment before moving against Michael’s chest. He felt Michael stiffen. “Is this not okay?”

“Alex?” Michael’s head was spinning because he had no idea what Alex needed or wanted right now.

“Hold me...please.” His voice was shaky, sounding on the verge of tears. 

Michael relaxed and pulled Alex close, tucking his head under his chin. “Of course, darlin’ anything you need. Sleep and we’ll have some lunch when we wake up.”

“That sounds good.” Alex’s voice stopped shaking and he nuzzled into Michael’s neck. He drifted off to sleep feeling safe, something he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

***

Waking alone in his new room startled Alex. He frantically looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings and felt bile threatening to spew out all over the floor. The sound of singing and the smell of coffee brought him back from the brink of a full fledged panic attack. 

Instinctively, he reached for his phone only to see the Apple welcome screen mocking him. He put it down and looked at the bedside clock. Shit! It was almost five in the evening he, had to—wait he didn’t have to be anywhere. Sighing, he flopped back on his pillows and strained to hear what Michael was singing. He only caught a line or two but it was enough to know he was singing one of Alex’s original songs from what seemed like a lifetime ago. He couldn’t help the soft smile that flitted across his face for a moment. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was having Michael here taking care of him. Then the dark realization of why Michael was here instead of at work, wiped the smile off his face. 

Not wanting to call for help, Alex swung his legs from under the covers and used his crutches to stand and head to the bathroom. After he was done in the bathroom he made his way back to his bedroom and pulled on a pair of soft sleep pants that he wasn’t sure had been in his drawer before. Had Isobel bought him new clothes too, he wondered to himself. Not really wanting to find out he made his way to the kitchen. “Something smells good.”

“Jeez, warn a guy will you? I almost dropped your grilled cheese!” Michael dramatically held his hand over his heart. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

Michael turned and gave Alex one of his beautiful smiles. “Don’t worry about it. I figured I’d make some food then come wake you. I hope tomato soup and grilled cheese is okay? Mrs. Evans would make it for me once in a while in high school and it always made me feel warm inside.”

“I didn’t know you spent a lot of time with the Evans’” Alex commented as he sat down.

Michael shrugged. “When the weather got too cold to sleep in the truck Isobel or Max would insist I spend the night. Mrs. Evans was always very kind to me. Sometimes I wondered if she knew I was the curly haired kid they left behind at the group home.”

“She still doesn’t know you’re related to Max and Isobel?” Alex took a bite of the grilled cheese Michael set in front of him.

“I don’t think so. I never asked if they told her. I hope they didn’t. I don’t want her to feel worse than she already does for leaving me behind. She told Max once that she hoped I got the help I needed. She was talking about the curly haired kid who was drawing on the walls...not the me I am now, if that makes sense.” Michael finished putting the food on the table and sat to eat with Alex.

“It does. It’s okay you never told her, I was just wondering. This is delicious. I didn’t realize how much I missed simple comfort foods. My mom used to cook grilled cheese for me too.”

“Thank you. I learned to cook a few things over the years that won’t kill you. I can also follow a simple recipe if you get a craving for something. Just ask and I’ll make it.” Michael took a bite of his grilled cheese and reached to touch Alex’s hand. 

Alex moved his hand closer to Michael and smiled back. “Thank you for doing this. I know you’re taking time off of work to be with me. I hope it’s not going to be a hardship.”

“Taking care of you isn’t a hardship. I’m happy to be here for you.” Michael rubbed his thumb over Alex’s hand. 

“I meant financially. I don’t have much but I can cover your bills.” Alex tentatively offered.

“Don’t worry about it. Iz is covering everything, for both of us, until you’re better. I grumbled about it but you can’t win an argument with Iz where money is involved.” Michael grimaced remembering the conversation where she told him it was her money and most of it came from Noah so she wanted to do something good with ‘that murderer’s’ money.

Alex managed a small smile. “She guilted you with the whole ‘my husband was a filthy liar and using his money for the ones I love makes me happy’ speech didn’t she?”

“How did you know?” 

Alex raised his eyebrow. “Have you seen my wardrobe since I left the Air Force? I may have some money set aside but there is no way I’d ever spend two hundred dollars on a pair of jeans.”

“Are they the ones that make your ass look really fucking hot?” Michael said before he could stop himself. 

Alex blushed and turned his attention back to his soup. “Yes.”

“Well, darlin’ those were a sound investment if you ask me.”

Not sure what to say, Alex took another bite of his sandwich and tried to look anywhere but Michael. 

“Hey, I’m sorry if that was out of line. I got carried away with the banter. It sorta felt like old times.”

Alex glanced up and tried not to get lost in those beautiful eyes staring at him. “Nothing to be sorry about.” 

They finished eating in relative silence, except for the occasional slurping of soup. Alex finished first and moved to clear the table. The bowl and plate he was holding floated out of his grasp and landed softly in the sink. Chuckling, Alex turned to him and just shook his head. 

Michael winked at him and let his dishes float to the sink as well. “Go relax on the couch and I’ll bring you a beer.” 

“No beer with my meds. I think Kyle put that in the discharge papers you were supposed to read.”

“Yeah, well, someone wanted a teddy bear to hold while he napped so...” Michael trailed off when he saw the look on Alex’s face. “Shit. I’m doing it again, talking without thinking. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I was just teasing.”

Alex nodded and turned toward the living room. Michael followed and waited for Alex to sit down. “Can I sit?”

“I’d be a real dick if I said no now wouldn’t I?” 

“If you don’t want me to sit next to you, I won’t. You won’t be a dick.” Trying to say the right thing was incredibly stressful and Michael just knew he was fucking everything up. He tried to remember everything the therapist and Kyle told him but being around Alex was doing funny things to his brain. He knew they needed to talk but he wasn’t sure this was the right time. 

“Guerin, sit down. I need to say something and I don’t want to do it while you’re hovering over me like some mother hen.” 

Michael sat at the end of the couch and turned slightly to face Alex. He wasn’t sure what Alex wanted to say but he schooled his expression and waited until Alex spoke.

“I don’t want you to have to weigh every word that comes out of your mouth. I know you and I know how to tell when you’re teasing or actively trying to hurt me. I know I’m still processing what happened the other night and how I let him control me for almost six months but that doesn’t mean you’re going to break me with some lighthearted teasing. I want us to be normal.” Alex shook his head and sighed. “Well as normal as we can be given our fucked up past.”

“Normal is overrated. How about we just try to be us with a little less snark?” Michael offered.

“Who will be doing less snarking? Because I’m not sure I’m capable of having a conversation with you that’s snark free. In fact, have we ever had a conversation that’s been snark free?” Alex tilted his head to the side and stared at Michael. 

“Uh...yeah? We’ve had many meaningful snark free conversations.” Michael felt his cheeks flush under Alex’s stare.

“If you say so.” Alex relaxed against the arm of the couch and put his leg up, trying to keep a neutral expression even though it hurt like hell.

“Speaking of those meds, do you need a pain pill? It’s been hours since your last one.” Michael moved to get the pill bottle from the kitchen.

“No. I’m good. Can you sit with me? Maybe a little closer?”

Michael was sure Alex could actually see his heart beating. Didn’t he know what being so close was doing to Michael? He wanted to wrap his arms around Alex and snuggle into his neck but he knew that probably wasn’t wise. Though he wasn’t sure about that when Alex positioned himself so close he was practically sitting in Michael’s lap. When he nuzzled into Michael’s neck and ran his fingers through his curls Michael knew he had to ask what was going through his head.

“Alex?”

“Mmhm?” Alex murmured against Michael’s neck.

“What’s going on? I’m not complaining but I want to make sure you’re okay with all this physical touching.” Michael started reciting the periodic table of elements in his head in an effort to reverse his growing erection.

Alex opened his mouth to speak and Michael shivered at the soft breath on his neck.

“I feel safe with you, in a way I haven’t since he came into my life. I can stop if this is too much for you.”

“You being this close will never be too much. All I ever want is to make you feel safe.” 

Alex reached up and ran his fingers through Michael’s curls. “Really? I thought being with me was too much and that’s why you went to Maria. You said looking at me hurt.”

Michael’s heart sank at the reminder of how cruel he had been to Alex all those months ago. Was Alex punishing him for what he did? Was he acting like this to get Michael’s hopes up and then push him away to hurt him like he was hurting? Did Eric’s abuse change Alex? He fought every urge to pull away for fear he would do irreparable damage. 

“I was in a bad place when I said those things and did those things to you. I was wrong and I will do anything to make it up to you.”

“Can I kiss you?” Alex stopped playing with Michael’s hair and moved until his lips were brushing lightly over Michael’s while he talked. 

“I want so badly to say yes, but this is a really bad idea. You need time to process what happened and kissing me isn’t going to help.” Michael gently pushed Alex back.

Tears burned Alex’s eyes and a tightness spread in his chest. “I can’t stop _processing_ what happened to me! I close my eyes and I feel him hitting me. I look at the front door and I remember him telling you that I didn’t want to see you again. Even with everything Isobel did to make it look like a different room, I can’t stop thinking about your brother walking in to see me naked, bloody, and handcuffed to my own damn bed. For the last three days all I’ve done is process all the horrible things he did to me. Do you know how many times he would pin me down and fuck me without prep, a condom or anything? And how he would slap me if I cried out?”

“You don’t have to do this.” Michael’s heart broke with each word Alex spoke.

“Yes, I do. I have to to make you understand. You need to understand! He would taunt me all the time with you. How you left me for Maria. How all my problems must have been too much for you. He didn’t know the truth. He didn’t know why you left but I did. I held on to the hope that deep down you still loved me. Just like I still love you. So every time he shoved his disgusting dick in my mouth or fucked me hard and rough, I thought of you. Of how gentle you were with me all those years ago when I was a naive kid who knew he liked boys but had no idea what he was doing. Of how even when we played at being rough we never really were. Of how you always touched me liked I was something precious. You made me feel like I was worthy of being loved. He tried to take that away from me and there were times he almost succeeded. I let him beat me down, make me feel like I was nothing, I let him control almost all of me. But I couldn’t let him take away what I felt for you. I wanted to get out so bad but I didn’t know how to walk away. I was afraid of what he might do if I tried.” Alex was sobbing into Michael’s shirt, gasping for breath, wanting to continue but not sure if he had the strength. 

“I’m sorry. I know I’m not supposed to say that but I am. I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry for my part in it all. If I could take it back, everything I said after Caulfield, Maria, everything that led to this moment I would. You have to believe I would.” Michael ran his hands up and down Alex’s back in an effort to calm him.

Alex pulled back and looked into Michael’s bloodshot eyes. “I know, sweetheart, I know. I’m not telling you all this to make you feel guilty. I know you already do and I know Kyle told you not to let me know. But it’s okay. We’ve both made a mess of this thing between us but I want to fix it. I don’t want to let him win. I don’t want to let all these horrible memories destroy me. But I need to know you want me. I need to know you want to help me erase his touches. I need to know this is forever. I know that’s a lot to ask and I don’t want you to say yes out of guilt. I want you to say yes because you still love me. Because I still love you.” 

“I never stopped loving you. I know this is horrible and probably why Maria dumped my ass, but even when I was with her all I could think about was how much I missed you. She may have been easier to be with but now that I’ve had easy, I’ve realized I don’t want it. I want you. All of you, every last difficult part of you. I’m here forever. I know we have a lot of issues to work though and it’s not going to be easy at all but I want this. I want a life with you.” Michael took a deep breath and waited for Alex to speak again. 

Alex pressed himself against Michael again and kissed his neck. “Then help me erase these memories. Help me forget his touch. Help me remember us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and commenting. All the comments, kudos and hits mean the world to me. I set out to write a powerful story and from your comments I feel I accomplished that. I have more stories waiting in the wings and I’m hashing out ideas for another multi chapter fic.

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank my two lovely beta readers [WhitneyL32](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhitneyL32/pseuds/WhitneyL32) and [Happilyaskew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappilyAskew) For all their help with this fic. You both are amazing betas and great friends!
> 
> Comments make me smile 😊 
> 
> Come chat with me on tumblr: aliciam72


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